The Myth of Memory

What is it about memory? Why is it I can recall some things with absolute clarity while others, no matter the effort, flee from my mind the moment after they enter?

Sitting at my writer’s desk, working on my latest project, I tried to recall a great idea I had for the story. Normally I write these things down because of this trick of memory. However, in this case, I did not. It was brilliant, it was creative, it was wonderfully imaginative, and it was gone.

Hoping to revive the dormant brain cells, I decided to change the mood and put on some music. I usually write to soft classical or new age music, but in this case, I decided on something more upbeat.

I chose Chicago’s first album. As soon as the first song, called Introduction, began, I instantly recalled all of it. A little background here. Way back in 1974 some friends and I put together a band. (Someday I am going to buy an old police car, round up my old friends, and announce “We’re putting the band back together!” but I digress.)

Anyway, one of the places we performed was for the Lincoln High Senior Talent Show (most of the band went to Lincoln but they had to bring in my Cumberland High virtuoso guitar talents to round out the group.)

We played the Chicago song, Introduction. As the song now plays on my computer, I recall every beat, chord change, brass solo, percussion background, bass line, and lyrics. Forever fixed in my mind.

Why? None of us ever made it to the Grammies. While the others were talented musicians (now that I think of it, I may have been selected because my family had a station wagon that could carry the equipment) no one pursued a musical career.

Yet I recall every note from that night more than 40 years ago. Nevertheless, try as I might, I could not recall the idea I had just yesterday.

Memory is a fickle thing.

It changes things as suits it, locks some things in, and tosses others away.

Our memories are made of the important, the unimportant, the poignant, the bittersweet, the happy, the sad, those that bring smiles, and those that bring tears.

We try to hold onto them, but some things are outside our control. Memory is like a myth we hold onto no matter how much it lets us down.

I Lost a Friend Today

I lost a friend of 50 years today.

He has passed on.

I met my friend when I was 7 years old and he has always been a part of my life since.

But, in life, there comes a time when you have to let go.

So, I let go.  I will miss him greatly.

In life there are also opportunities.  So my friend is now in the hands of another young child.

My friend, my guitar, something I have had since those first guitar lessons, is now part of another life.

Some arthritis, injuries, and surgery has stolen the dexterity from my fingers.  They remember what they need to do, but can’t quite manage it.

Once you’ve played a “Paul Simon” guitar rift, the melody of Classical Gas, or any other of the hundreds of songs I’ve played on my guitar, it is hard to lose that joy.

Reality is stark sometimes.  I am comforted that my friend is in good hands,   Hands that will learn the simple joy of playing music.  Not to crowds of people, but alone, by yourself, eyes closed, the music flowing from the instrument.

Playing music is as close as one can come to real magic.

It has brought great joy to me over the years.

I lost a friend today.  But I keep the memories.

Conversations

Conversations come in almost unlimited variety. They define many of our moments on this planet. Some we have daily, some only once. They can be combinations of types (first, last, only, memorable first, memorable last, one of many memorable, heart to heart). They can be between two people or many, each participant experiencing a combination of types (first, last, one of many)

Here is my list;

First conversations: filled with uncertainty and potential, can lead to one or many more, may be memorable or merely the seed that begins a new relationship. Sadly, I can recall very few first conversations. I know they occurred because, in many cases, I am still having conversations with that person. I suppose there really is no way to know if that first will develop further. Too bad, I’d love to be able to recall those first few words with the important people in my life.

Funny conversations: conversations wherein you make someone laugh, they make you laugh, or, the best kind where all the participants laugh. I recall having many of these. I suppose that may be a good measure of how my life has been enriched by others. I hope I have returned the favor.

Memorable conversations: We all have memorable conversations, some of which we wish weren’t. They may have been necessary, but painful. Then there those conversations that you will never forget. I sometimes have a hard time recalling my own birthday, telephone number, or even lunch, but I can still recall being told I was going to be a Father… Learning of a loved one’s death, told about receiving a promotion, having someone express thanks for something you did. All memorable, enduring, and in some cases, life altering.

Heart to Heart: We all have to have these. Sometimes we are the focus of the conversation. The focus may be of a positive nature, a rebuke of something we did or failed to do, or a life’s lesson taught by someone with more experience or a better perspective. We may choose not to remember these, but they have some impact. Some work, some don’t.

Death conversations: Having to inform, or be informed, about the death of a parent, friend, relative, pet, or other important life form in your or someone else’s life.

We all have these conversational experiences. If the latest research on the function of the human brain is correct, it is not that we forget our experiences, and thus our conversations, it’s that we lack the ability to reliably recall them.

But the fact is they are imbedded in our unconscious mind. Perhaps, influencing us in ways we may never know.

So the next time you have a conversation with someone, a friend, a lover, a child, a stranger, or two Yorkies named Ralph and Max (had to get my dogs into one of these), bear in mind your words are being written into memory.

They may recall your kindness, wisdom, and affection; or anger, rudeness, and mean spiritedness.

Make every conversation worth remembering.