I Pray We Stop Praying and Act!

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.”

Marcus Aurelius

If the definition of insanity is repeating the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome, why do we take this approach after each mass shooting?

Can we at least agree with this undeniable fact; after each horrific incident Americans gather in prayer beseeching their god to give them comfort, answers, and to prevent such acts in the future, yet nothing has ever arisen from all these efforts.

“In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations, and epochs it is the rule.”

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

The incidents continue with increasing frequency.

The death toll mounts.

The politicians join hands in these prayer spectacles invoking the same god and yet nothing changes in their approach to the problem.

Hell, they won’t even seek answers to define the problem or craft a solution

Perhaps the silence of the gods is the message. Either god can’t help or won’t help.

We are on our own for this one.

If god helps those who help themselves, perhaps god also abandons those who refuse to find their own solutions to a problem of their own making.

Take all the comfort you can in prayer. Take all the solace in your faith that it offers you. But don’t look for a solution to a human problem—a problem arising from our free will and stubborn adherence to our history and tradition of gun violence and the myth created by some invoking the Second Amendment—from a god. Look for it in your own heart.

I, for one, will be looking quite closely at those who seek office and accept money from those with a financial interest in preserving the status quo.

If we believe the right to bear arms is inviolate regardless of the loss of innocent lives without even bothering to seek a solution perhaps you should take a harder look at those images from Texas and imagine yourself standing outside that school as you wonder if your seven or eight- or nine-year-old is going to come back to you.

But you won’t. You’ll go back to your happy oblivion of willful ignorance of reality. If nothing changes, there are many more young children walking around with targets on their backs who won’t live to see their next birthday.

Let that thought percolate for a bit.

I have to think those who unequivocally embrace their weapons have an exaggerated and dangerous misconception of the safety those weapons offer.

A gun is only loyal to the person who pulls the trigger

If you’re willing to accept the inevitability of such incidents in the future, spare us the spectacle and empty words of your prayers, they are sound and fury signifying nothing.

What’s In a Name?

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

  Romeo and Juliet Act 2, Scene 2

 

Recently, we celebrated the first birthday of our grandson, Levi. (https://joebroadmeadowblog.com/2022/04/24/a-celebration-of-life-and-the-future/)

The date of the party was actually five days before the true anniversary date of April 29th so of course we also had a celebration on that day. We also held back one gift to give him on the actual date.

However, the night before we faced an existential crisis. While wrapping the present—done by my wife, of course. My wrapping skills are commensurate with my artistic ability and anything I wrap looks like it has already been opened and discarded—we came to the moment when we had to sign the card.

Hmm?

What do we sign as? Grandma and Grandpa? Nana and Pa? Grand Ma Ma and Grand Pa Pa? None of them seem to fit, they bore too much resemblance to people in the past. Nothing felt right.

We faced a quandary.

While we had entertained the thought of being grandparents since the moment we learned our daughter was pregnant, we never seriously considered what new appellations we would bear.

I suggested we sign the card, Your Mom’s Parents, but this was vetoed.

So what do we do?

I had planned to let Levi assign the names. But at the moment he is on the precipice of learning to walk and his language skills are a cross between a mere collection of noises (some remarkably similar to other bodily functions) and Klingon so it might be awhile before this happens.

Who knew becoming a grandparent would bring such complex decisions? I thought all I had to do was get good at covering up any evidence of ice cream or convincing the child that failing to inform his mother about any of our unapproved activities involving snakes, launching model rockets, catching frogs, or riding a bike no hands is different from lying (not that I am planning such things, couldn’t be further from my mind.)

If Shakespeare was right then the name may not matter much. It will be the memories associated with whatever Levi ends up calling us. That will be the perfect choice.

Singing a Different Tune

I’ve written in the past how music is the soundtrack of memories. https://joebroadmeadowblog.com/2020/02/19/the-soundtracks-of-life/ I spoke about how just the first few notes bring back memories of the moments of life. But today, my soundtrack consists of many different tunes from what my playlist might reflect just 365 days ago.

You see, today marks the first anniversary of the birth of my grandson, Levi David Walkup. While we all like to say today is his birthday, the reality is we only have one birth day and then an annual celebration of the date, and this first one is such an incredible milestone.

Now, the lyrics of April Come She Will or Marrakesh are replaced by London Bridge is Falling Down, The Farmer in the Dell, and Mary Had a Little Lamb. I now know all the lyrics to Encanto. (And no, we don’t talk about Bruno.)

Where once I would awake to the lyrical voice of Jane Olivor singing the song, You, playing in my mind, now I wake to the sounds of The Ants go Marching… (so far I’ve refrained from teaching him the alternative lyrics to the ants go marching three by three, the last one stops to take a …  but I will not be able to stop myself forever. He needs to expand his view of the world and music is a great venue.)

We are slowly introducing other music to him. We get him to dance to La Bamba by Ritchie Valens and, when I am alone with him, he rocks to Jimi Hendrix All Along the Watchtower or Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is by Chicago, but the other tunes consume the majority of his musical repertoire.

One year has passed in the blink of an eye and sixty plus years of musical memories have been replaced. These tunes may not win awards or climb the charts, but oh the memories they accompany.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The ants go marching one by one hurrah, hurrah….

A Celebration of Life and the Future

On April 29, 2022, we will celebrate the first (of what will be many, many more) birthday of Levi David Walkup. To commemorate this event, Levi and I are releasing our first (of what will be many, many more) collaborative book project.

I give you Mortimer Moose and the Alphabet Zoo.

Available for pre-order in special edition hardcover and soon to be in paperback on Amazon for release on April 29. 2022. https://www.amazon.com/Mortimer-Moose-Alphabet-Zoo-Broadmeadow/dp/B09XFJC1X1

How Dare You, Disney!

How dare you, Disney, demand people show respect for everyone, even those they may not understand.

How dare you, Disney, embrace the Golden Rule and expect others to do the same.

How dare you, Disney, listen to your employees about business decisions. Why should they have a say in anything, this is business.

This is not an Image of the Florida Legislature or the Governor’s Office…although

How dare you, Disney, recognize that stereotypes and homogenized concepts of society are evil and wrong and need be purged from our lives.

How dare you, Disney, believe you know better than those who extract that which suits them from the “greatest book” yet willingly ignore the rest.

How dare you, Disney, think that using your resources to take the burden off Florida taxpayers would give you immunity from marching lockstep with the Governor in all his joyful (Christian?) policies.

How dare you, Disney, think you can change the minds of those steeped and marinated in hate and ignorance.

How dare you, Disney, claim to be the happiest place on earth when you try to create a better world that ignores the reality surrounding you.

How dare you, Disney,…. How dare you!

Single, Married, or Concubine?

We recently returned from a trip to the Dominican Republic. Before I get to the heart of this piece, let me just say the people and country of the Dominican Republic could not have been nicer. The weather was warm and wonderful, and the sheer joy of the Caribbean was most enjoyable.

Like every country globally, the DR has entry and exit requirements. However, due to the wonders of technology, one can complete these tasks—which seem designed primarily to create bureaucracies—online. No longer are you forced to fill out these tedious forms by hand.

Now we’ve traveled all over the world and have completed such tasks in countries where the Immigration and Customs people are smiling and welcoming and places where they are not smiling and carrying automatic weapons.

But my recent experience in the DR was most memorable because of one particular question.

Under the heading “Civil Status,” one must choose from five options; Single, Married, Free Union, others, or Concubinage.

DR Form

I was a bit taken aback by this option. I didn’t know concubinage was still practiced, let alone lawful, in most countries. The legal definition of concubinage is

“In contemporary civil law, concubinage is a legal term that is sometimes used for an interpersonal, intimate relationship between a man and a woman, or, depending on the jurisdiction, unmarried couple, in which the couple wishes to cohabit but do not want to or cannot enter into a full marriage.”

Or

Definition of concubine

a woman with whom a man cohabits without being married: such as
a: one having a recognized social status in a household below that of a wife
b: MISTRESS

Who knew? I had a much different concept of the practice.

I wanted to ask one of the immigration officers how many concubines they have entering the country each year but decided not to when I arrived. Maybe I could send a request for the information to the Dominican Embassy in Washington to find out.

While waiting to pass through Customs and Immigration in the DR, I tried to pick the concubines out of the crowd. There must have been a few of them, judging by the age difference between some couples, or perhaps it was just true love of the December-May persuasion.

Interestingly enough, I didn’t see any obvious younger men/older women pairs. Perhaps women know better? And there is no comparable term for a male that relates to concubine, imagine?

Even Shakespeare had his Sonnet about such love,

Beated and chopp’d with tann’d antiquity” (Sonnet 62) 

So there you have it, concubinage is alive and well and sunning itself in the Dominican Republic.

Against a Cerulean Sky…

For us, travel to the Caribbean has become almost like a second home. We usually journey to Aruba, but this time we returned to the Dominican Republic. We’ve been here several times, but not in the last decade or so.

There was no particular reason for our not coming here, just the plans and vagaries of life.

Whenever I venture to the Caribbean—Aruba or otherwise—there is one thing I always look forward to seeing. Unlike perhaps the majority who seek the sun, the rum, the casinos, the beach, or the warmth, I look forward to seeing this one thing that brings me peaceful relaxation.

Lying on a chair, looking to the sky, I search for the first of the graceful frigate birds riding the thermal currents.

Framed by puffy clouds against a deep cerulean sky, I watch these magnificent birds effortlessly navigate life. I imagine myself with such a skill, gliding through the air, warmed by the sun, with a view of the world untroubled by the harsh realities.

This brings me the rejuvenation of rest and relaxation that others seek in more traditional activities.

The simple act of lying there and watching these birds, whose existence I will only see for the briefest of moments, is reason enough to come here. The warm sun, the gentle Caribbean waves, and the continuous trade winds are the accompanying musicians to this symphony of life.

It is the best show on earth.

Drawing a Line in the Peanut Butter?

I like to think of myself as an open-minded progressive sort. I try to suppress any legacy prejudices or preconceptions to changes in life or new experiences. But I saw something the other day that is a bridge too far even for me.

I saw an advertisement for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups with Potato Chips embedded within.

Now, I am a fan of both Reese’s and chips. But combining them into one is heresy and an abomination before all who love candy.

Anyone who would put peanut butter on potato chips demonstrates their evolutionary failure toward being civilized.

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups can be enjoyed straight out of the package, or even frozen, but never adulterated by an infusion of chips.

It just isn’t right.

And to those of you who say I should try it before I judge, I say never. Never will such an abhorrent and detestable thing be ingested by me. And if you think you can change my mind, perhaps you could send me a carton or so of this so-called advancement in candy. I’d be willing to open my mind to the slight possibility I would enjoy them.

Message me if you need my address for delivery purposes.

P.S. And if anyone from Hershey’s Chocolate is reading this, perhaps you might consider retaining me as a candy sampler for all future new endeavors. I have years of experience…

Woke?

“The common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great revenue!”

William Shakespeare Troilus and Cressida (Act 2, Scene 3)

I am a little confused how describing someone as “woke” is some sort of criticism or mockery. The antonyms of woke are deadened, damped, or dulled. So if one is woke and thus not deadened, damped, or dulled, how is that a negative trait?

Once again, it would seem that many Americans prefer the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia to the realities of history. Rather than embracing necessary and long overdue change to many of the once firm and false foundations of much of our educational doctrine, they revert to the age-old tactic of name-calling and rigid ignorance of reality.

Trying to wedge the square peg of history into the round circle of contemporary thinking is an exercise in futility.

Joe Broadmeadow

Critical race theory, one such controversial philosophy—which I am willing to bet most people who oppose it cannot define it and will not take the time to understand it—cannot be adequately evaluated unless we are willing to openly debate the value and necessity. Fortunately, much like the latest iteration of banning books they’ve never read, operating from a position of willful ignorance doesn’t make the issue disappear. They also claim parental rights to control the tenor and content of their children’s education by limitation and restrictions rather than open and informative debate.

Such claims of parental rights are not new. They were the basis of previous contentious changes within the educational system. The primary one, compulsory education, once brought out the same argument. Yet progressive wisdom prevailed, and the courts upheld the societal benefit of such policies.

No one would argue against the benefit of a better educated society, thus the benefit of such progress.

There are those who promulgate the myths of Sharia law or forced Socialism infesting the U.S. in an attempt to spread fear and concern. They would limit the study of religion in schools— an essential element of civilization from a historical not doctrinal perspective—to a Judeo-Christian focus (and some might be willing to ignore the Judeo aspect.)

While those who supported compulsory education weren’t called “woke,” their opponents’ categorization of them was essentially the same, progressivism. And while we are using antonyms to make a point, the antonyms of “progressive” are “antiquated” or “regressive.” Does not sound like a sound basis for educational choices or anything else.

Clearly, those who would choose to ignore the past by refusing to teach about it are doing a disservice to the country and our society.

And so there are now bills pending and passed in state legislatures all over the county seeking to halt progress under the guise of protecting America from controversial issues. But, as always, the devil is in the detail with such measures. One such bill in Kentucky—Senate Bill 138, also known as the “Teaching America’s Principles”— seeks to limit the scope of education to what they see as the most supportive of their whitewashed version of American history, stripping out some of the harsh realities.

While these documents should be taught and discussed in school, limiting such educational practices to these documents alone is a restriction on the very freedoms they seek to proclaim as equal for all Americans.

In the language of the bill,

“The understanding that the institution of slavery and post-Civil War laws  enforcing racial segregation and discrimination were contrary to the fundamental American promise of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,  as expressed in the Declaration of Independence, but that defining racial disparities solely on the legacy of this institution is destructive to the unification of our nation;.”

One needs to understand evil to recognize it.

Joe Broadmeadow

One would be wise to recall that the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights applied at the outset to white men. It took the courts, in fits and starts, to force the application of these inalienable rights to women and minorities.

A basic reading of the elements of critical race theory, if one bothered to make the effort, shows that the doctrine does not teach racism as the sole legacy of the institution, but rather a fundamental element of it with lasting effects in today’s America.

The bill also prohibits educators from requiring politically or socially ideological assignments if they go against the student or their family’s values or beliefs.

“Any instruction or instructional materials on current, controversial topics related to public policy or social affairs provided to public school or public charter school students, regardless of whether the individual that provides the instruction is employed by the local school district or public charter school, shall be:(a) Within the range of knowledge, understanding, age, and maturity of the students receiving the instruction; and (b) Relevant, objective, nondiscriminatory, and respectful to the differing perspectives of students.”

So, suppose the language is taken at face value. In that case, one could not teach about the basis of the rise of Nazism, which enjoyed some support within the U.S. before we entered into the war, the rise of  right-wing dictatorships in Central and South America with our help, or, even closer to home, the prevalence and influence of the Ku Klux Klan in the U.S. Such lessons are important as a precaution against return of such policies. They would have you believe eliminating the teaching about such historical facts is not a risk but a benefit.

I’m certain this is not looking at reality with an open mind. One needs to understand evil to recognize it. Unconscious bias is a threat that needs to be exposed and eliminated and the only way to do that is to acknowledge its existence and remove its cause.

Clearly, there are instances where political correctness in the guise of cultural sensitivity goes too far. I began this piece with a quote from William Shakespeare—perhaps the greatness master of the English language—whose work has come under scrutiny and removed from some curricula because of sexism, racial stereotypes, and white male dominance themes. That is precisely the point of teaching such monumental material and placing it in the proper context. You don’t ignore it, you analyze it and make it instructive.

Legislation which prohibits teaching controversial material or seeks to ignore the realities of the past—Shakespeare was a product of his time—runs the risk of diluting and diminishing teaching each new generation the important skill of critical thinking. By some standards we should ignore everything Washington or Jefferson ever said or did because they were slaveholders or deny Lincoln’s place in history because he thought blacks to be inferior to the white race.

These are Lincoln’s own words

“I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races, that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality … I will add to this that I have never seen, to my knowledge, a man, woman, or child who was in favor of producing a perfect equality, social and political, between negroes and white men.

Abraham Lincoln September 18, 1858 at Charleston, Illinois, Lincoln

Lincoln, Washington, and Jefferson changed over the years. Did they come to fully embrace ‘all men are created equal?’ Only a thorough study of all available material can reveal the truth. We should be able to separate the chaff from the wheat and see the good these men did in the light of their inadequacies. Trying to wedge the square peg of history into the round circle of contemporary thinking is an exercise in futility.

The language and relevant intent of these latest attempts at political control over educational curricula are reminiscent of the thirty-seven Anti-Evolutionary bills that banned the teaching of evolution in schools. Kentucky’s anti-evolution bill failed by just one vote, but Tennessee and other states came to the rescue. Thus we had the so-called Scopes Monkey Trial.

Using the logic of this latest bill limiting educational parameters, one could argue that evolution might fall under the category of controversial social indoctrination once again. Today, fifteen states have passed legislation requiring the inclusion of Slavery and Racism history in the curriculum; thirty-five states have banned it.

I think these states seeking to ban such teachings “doth protest too much.” But don’t listen to Shakespeare, he was a bigot and sexist barbarian.

Such measures ignore the benefit of a complete understanding of historical events and their ramifications today. One needs to understand how slavery or other such institutions took hold both to recognize and prevent their rise in the future and to combat the lasting effects of slavery and racism.

In the Brown University “Slave and Justice Report,” there are some eye-opening disclosures about Rhode Island’s connection to the slave trade that was never part of any history of slavery I was taught in school. Our education about slavery began and ended with the Civil War. The gist of the story was the North were the heroes and the Southerners the slavers. The truth was infinitely more complex. The reality is something both troublesome and critical to a full picture of slavery and racism. Thus, the importance of a complete and balanced analysis of its continuing effect on our society to this day.

Just because something is uncomfortable or contrary to what we may believe is a poor reason not to teach it or seek a complete understanding. I would argue it is more of a reason to teach it. Such wisdom comes at the cost of challenging our beliefs with a broader perspective on history which can only come from more expansive material, not limiting it to that which reinforces what we want to believe.

This is a complex subject requiring a great deal more analysis. This forum is insufficient for such discussion, but I thought it essential to at least stimulate some debate. As an addendum to this piece, I’ve listed the documents Kentucky requires exclusively in their schools (among the most interesting is the Supreme Court case of Plessy v. Ferguson, 163 US 537 (1896) which upheld racial segregation under the separate but equal doctrine and is considered one of the worst Supreme Court decisions in history, yet never explicitly overturned) and the text of President Reagan’s A Time for Choosing speech which is one of the permitted documents. Reagan’s words do not reflect the reality of his Presidency.

ADDENDUM

The Mayflower Compact

The Declaration of Independence

The Constitution of the United States

The Federalist No. 1 (Alexander Hamilton)

The Federalist Nos. 10 and 51 (James Madison)

The June 8, 1789, speech on amendments to the Constitution of the United States by James Madison

The first ten (10) amendments to the Constitution of the United States, also known as the Bill of Rights;

The 1796 Farewell Address by George Washington

The United States Supreme Court opinion in Marbury v. Madison, 5 US 137 (1803)

The Monroe Doctrine by James Monroe

What to the Slave is the Fourth of July? speech by Frederick Douglass

The United States Supreme Court opinion in Dred Scott v. Sandford, U.S. 393 (1857)

Final Emancipation Proclamation by Abraham Lincoln;

The Gettysburg Address by Abraham Lincoln;

Declaration of Rights of the Women of the United States by Susan B. Anthony, Matilda Joslyn Gage, and Elizabeth Cady Stanton;

The September 18, 1895, Atlanta Exposition Address by Booker T. Washington

Of Booker T. Washington and Others by WEB. Du Bois

The United States Supreme Court opinion in Plessy v. Ferguson, 163 US 537 (1896);

The August 31, 1910, New Nationalism speech by Theodore Roosevelt

The January 11, 1944, State of the Union Address by Franklin D. Roosevelt;

The United States Supreme Court opinions in Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, 347 US 483 (1954) and Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, 349 US 294 (1955);

Letter from Birmingham Jail by Martin Luther King, Jr.

The August 28, 1963, I Have a Dream speech by Martin Luther King, Jr.

A Time for Choosing by Ronald Reagan.

For those who have never heard or read this speech, it is important to do so and keep in mind that Reagan presided over one of the most significant increases in government spending in American history.

I am going to talk of controversial things. I make no apology for this.

It’s time we asked ourselves if we still know the freedoms intended for us by the Founding Fathers. James Madison said, “We base all our experiments on the capacity of mankind for self government.”

This idea? that government was beholden to the people, that it had no other source of power is still the newest, most unique idea in all the long history of man’s relation to man. This is the issue of this election: Whether we believe in our capacity for self-government or whether we abandon the American Revolution and confess that a little intellectual elite in a far-distant capital can plan our lives for us better than we can plan them ourselves.

You and I are told we must choose between a left or right, but I suggest there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down. Up to man’s age-old dream-the maximum of individual freedom consistent with order or down to the ant heap of totalitarianism. Regardless of their sincerity, their humanitarian motives, those who would sacrifice freedom for security have embarked on this downward path. Plutarch warned, “The real destroyer of the liberties of the people is he who spreads among them bounties, donations and benefits.”

The Founding Fathers knew a government can’t control the economy without controlling people. And they knew when a government sets out to do that, it must use force and coercion to achieve its purpose. So we have come to a time for choosing.

Public servants say, always with the best of intentions, “What greater service we could render if only we had a little more money and a little more power.” But the truth is that outside of its legitimate function, government does nothing as well or as economically as the private sector.

Yet any time you and I question the schemes of the do-gooders, we’re denounced as being opposed to their humanitarian goals. It seems impossible to legitimately debate their solutions with the assumption that all of us share the desire to help the less fortunate. They tell us we’re always “against,” never “for” anything.

We are for a provision that destitution should not follow unemployment by reason of old age, and to that end we have accepted Social Security as a step toward meeting the problem. However, we are against those entrusted with this program when they practice deception regarding its fiscal shortcomings, when they charge that any criticism of the program means that we want to end payments….

We are for aiding our allies by sharing our material blessings with nations which share our fundamental beliefs, but we are against doling out money government to government, creating bureaucracy, if not socialism, all over the world.

We need true tax reform that will at least make a start toward I restoring for our children the American Dream that wealth is denied to no one, that each individual has the right to fly as high as his strength and ability will take him…. But we can not have such reform while our tax policy is engineered by people who view the tax as a means of achieving changes in our social structure….

Have we the courage and the will to face up to the immorality and discrimination of the progressive tax, and demand a return to traditional proportionate taxation? . . . today in our country the tax collector’s share is 37 cents of -very dollar earned. Freedom has never been so fragile, so close to slipping from our grasp.

Are you willing to spend time studying the issues, making yourself aware, and then conveying that information to family and friends? Will you resist the temptation to get a government handout for your community? Realize that the doctor’s fight against socialized medicine is your fight. We can’t socialize the doctors without socializing the patients. Recognize that government invasion of public power is eventually an assault upon your own business. If some among you fear taking a stand because you are afraid of reprisals from customers, clients, or even government, recognize that you are just feeding the crocodile hoping he’ll eat you last.

If all of this seems like a great deal of trouble, think what’s at stake. We are faced with the most evil enemy mankind has known in his long climb from the swamp to the stars. There can be no security anywhere in the free world if there is no fiscal and economic stability within the United States. Those who ask us to trade our freedom for the soup kitchen of the welfare state are architects of a policy of accommodation.

They say the world has become too complex for simple answers. They are wrong. There are no easy answers, but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right. Winston Churchill said that “the destiny of man is not measured by material computation. When great forces are on the move in the world, we learn we are spirits-not animals.” And he said, “There is something going on in time and space, and beyond time and space, which, whether we like it or not, spells duty.”

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children’s children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.

The Proper Way to Prepare… Peeps

As a connoisseur of all things sweet—well, not licorice, that is only fit for rats and other vermin—I wanted to impart my wisdom on the proper service of one of the most delightful delicacies of the Easter Season.

Now, along with bunny-shaped Sweet Tarts and White Chocolate—solid, not mere shells—eggs as my favorites, there is one particular delight that requires proper preparation before it can be appropriately enjoyed.

Peeps, that delectable mixture of gooey marshmallow, sugar, and food coloring, cannot be fully enjoyed right out of the package. No, no, my friend, to do so is to miss the real ecstasy of candy nirvana.

Now most people of inferior culinary taste rush to devour these yellow pieces of heaven in a fit of sugar cravings. And while they enjoy the brief sugar rush, they are missing a truly blissful candy experience.

But to enjoy this moment of elation, one must properly prepare the Peeps. This requires a minimum of three days preparation where the Peeps will sit tantalizingly near as they properly age. They will, like a Siren’s song, call to you to devour them. But be strong, my friends, and it will be worth it.

First, tear open the package. Do not use scissors or a knife as you might damage the Peeps. Tear it open like a three-year-old trying to get at a new toy. Then, exposing the Peeps to the air—and this is the tough part—place them on the counter, unconsumed, and…wait.

Be patient. Do not look at them during this process. Hold firm and on the third day they will transform—an almost transubstantiation-like effect—into something magical.

Trust me. Where some will grimace and claim the Peeps are now stale, we true connoisseurs will know, with each crunchy bite, the true meaning of Nirvana.