Having seen many things and situations that can cause serious injuries, there is one circumstance, seemingly benign on its face, that can pose a significant danger to life and limb.

Do not, under any circumstances, put yourself between the buffet opening on a cruise ship and the ravenous, dimensionally-challenged, overwhelmingly American horde operating wheelchairs, armored weapons cleverly disguised as four-wheeled mobility devices, or the still ambulatory powered by momentum with sufficient force to crush most mid-sized cars.

The tactics they employ, like a pack of lions surrounding a wounded Cape Buffalo, are terrifying.

Some use their wheelchairs more effectively than an all-Pro NFL lineman to block access to the particular culinary object of their desire.

Some, having bought the mobility/seat device with the extra wide cushion to accommodate their double-wide posterior AND four or five dinner plates stacked to the maximum, can satiate themselves in a single trip.

Others are more subtle, yet equally dangerous, “accidentally” running over feet of anyone who presents an obstacle.

The staff of these ships likely suffer PTSD (Post Traumatic Squashed Disorder) having made the mistake of being in the wrong place at the wrong minute.

The only safe strategy to avoid having wheelchair tread marks on your forehead or fractured ankles from septuagenarians running at ramming speed is to act like non-apex predators and settle for the leftovers.

Trust me, it is not worth challenging them in the natural environment.