All of us face choices in our lifetime. Some of these can affect a moment, a day, or a lifetime. Often, we face ridicule and torment from those who follow a different path.
Does the toilet paper roll go over or under?
Peanut butter first, then Jelly or vice versa?
Yankees or Red Sox? (This one’s is easy for me. I like pinstripes and World Series Flags.)
Does anyone really know what time it is?
However, there is one choice I have consistently made which subjected me to a lifetime of torment and terror. One that every time I make the choice I have instant flashbacks to the taunts and the torments.
Tortures visited upon me by two people I looked up to, admired, tried to emulate.
After all these years, I am ready to face my darkest fears. Ready to confront the demons of the past.
You see, from the moment I was able to choose, I always picked mayonnaise over mustard.
There was no other way to go.
Yet I faced the ridicule, nay bullying, of my two cousins who shall remain nameless (Dave Moreau and Joe Szpila.)
They made sport of my choice. Sniffing the mayonnaise coated knife as if covered with the excrement of demons. Insinuating I was insane to so choose. Madness, they implied, it must be madness.
Oh how they tortured me. Their haughty superiority as mustard men hung over me like the Sword of Damocles.
To this day, I cannot enjoy a sandwich with my beloved mayonnaise without the demons of the past laughing in my mind. Even now, as I try to enjoy my sandwich, the torments continue.
A lifetime of torment for a simple choice. As Shakespeare said in As You Like It, “How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man’s eyes!”
To ketchup with oiled acquaintances I relish. I mayo linger with them awhile if they pass mustard by displaying good compote. Recently one reminded me that in high school I conducted a profound survey about whether or not fellow students and our teachers tucked their tee shirts in. The results suited me to a tee.
Your comments are always in good taste
Like I always say, de gustibus non est disputandum…
I’ve said it before and I’l say it again – de gustibus non est disputandum
Mayo, mustard. Who cares. At least you weren’t the first girl born into the family in 15 years
And had to put up with the “Women’s haters club”. I still prefer mayo in
my baked beans. And I love red socks.