MODERATOR: Good evening. We’re joined tonight by—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: I… yes, well, we’re actually interviewing you, Mr. President. About your proposed tariffs on—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: Right. So, moving on. Your recent social media posts have drawn criticism for their inflammatory language regarding—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: —regarding allies. Can you explain your reasoning?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: Let’s discuss the escalating tensions with Iran. Specifically, your administration’s decision to—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: —to deploy additional forces. What are your diplomatic objectives?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: And regarding Venezuela? Your use of military intervention has alarmed—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: —have alarmed neighboring countries. What’s your end game?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: Our NATO allies have expressed serious concerns about your recent statements. Germany, France, and the UK—they’re all worried about the security commitments—
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: You’re not going to answer any of these questions, are you?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: And if I asked you what two plus two equals?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: What’s your favorite color?
TRUMP: Joe Biden.
MODERATOR: Who do you consider a great president?
TRUMP: Joe Biden, wait! Fake News! That’s it, we’re through. You’re banned; get out.
MODERATOR: Mr. President, this is our News Studio
TRUMP: Wait, didn’t I already buy this?
MODERATOR: We’re not for sale…
TRUMP: Of course you are. What’s your bank account? I’ll have the Saudis wire the money today.
[Cut to commercial. In the control room, producers stare at their monitors in stunned silence.]
PRODUCER: Did that really just happen?
ASSISTANT PRODUCER: I think we’ve found the one interview technique that actually works.
Leave a Reply