In this ever growing stranger by the day world, Mars Corporation (not the planet, the candy company) announced they were retiring for the moment the M&M character spokes(people?) because of criticism by conservatives. (See story here)

In truth they said it was for “marketing” purposes, but that’s like someone resigning from a high profile job to “spend more time with their family.” Everybody knows the real reason. Companies are so gun-shy of criticisms they crumble at the mere mention.

But that’s not the most troubling aspect of this. The truly astounding aspect is the news that Tucker Carlson, the poster boy for wacko conservatism, mistruths, and lack of integrity, finds the original M&M candy commercial characters “sexy.” and the newer version less so.

Really?

This conjures up all sorts of images one cannot get out of one’s head. Carlson, in a smoking jacket and holding a snifter of brandy, surrounded by bags and bags of M&Ms anticipating a night of wild “plain or peanut” ecstasy. (Maybe the shape of the “peanut” variety is intentional and for a reason none of us ever expected?)

Ewwww.

Here’s some of the highlights from the story.

“The changes sparked controversy from conservatives like Fox News host Tucker Carlson, who said the female M&Ms were now “less sexy” with their new footwear.

Here’s some quotes by the M&M hedonist.

 ‘M&Ms will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them.’

In particular, he objected to the changes to the orange M&M.

“Maybe he doesn’t like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him. Maybe he liked the sexy boots. Maybe the orange M&M is a secret sexist himself.”

I find it amusing that Carlson, as the face of irrational conservatism based on lies and inuendo, unintentionally unveiled what one would assume is a sexual proclivity most conservatives would find “offensive to God.”  A Sodom and Gomorrah level bemoaning the loss of a sexually exciting candy.

Who needs Viagra when you can buy M&Ms over the counter?

I am sure those who admire Carlson will claim it was sarcasm and humor aimed at making a point. Perhaps it was, or perhaps it was the 21st century version of “I only bought Playboy Magazine for the articles.” Right!.

Add this to the list of why I would not want to be a conservative.

How sweet it is.