I’m not much of a TV watcher, I prefer the more intimate companionship of an enjoyable book (actually, seeing some of the stuff on TV, even a bad book is better.) But when we travel, I sometimes find myself drawn to the siren’s song of the remote and the beckoning of the giant screen often placed in every room of wherever we’re staying.

Most of the time, I can tolerate just a few moments of the “my six-hundred-pound real housewife of LA murder reality series” but sometimes I find an interesting show. Since most of the premium services sans commercials are not available without cost, I often watch those channels with ads from various companies.

My favorites are the medical advice commercials for various drugs to treat a host of ailments and their troubling side-effects.

The ad goes like this.

Scene 1: mature 60ish well past childbearing age couple running on the beach

Voice-0ver (normal speed, authoritative): Is your constipation keeping you from enjoying life? Now there’s FREETOGO from the researchers of Plaxo-Johnson-Poopmore.

Scene 2: Man emerges from bathroom, smiling, and runs to embrace his love with the knowing smile as their run toward the bedroom.

Voice over: (4x normal speech pattern, authoritative and serious) Cautionmaycausevomitingdiarrhearashacneheartattacknosebleedsloosestoolsbelchingflatulencelivermalfunctionexcessicehairgrowthorblindness. Nottobetakenifyouarepregnantorplanningtobecomepregnant.

First thing that pops into my mind is why would they use a male constipation sufferer if there is a risk to pregnant or planning-to-become-pregnant women? It troubles me to consider a medication from a company that apparently doesn’t understand basic reproductive process. Not to mention using actors well beyond childbearing age, let alone gender.

But clearly the most troubling aspect is the risk of dying from taking the medication treating something that could be dealt with in a less risky manner. Try eating a salad for goodness’ sake. Although I suppose if the medication doesn’t relax the bowels and allow things to emerge death will.

I am sure constipation is a painful condition but so is Cautionmaycausevomitingdiarrhearashacneheartattacknosebleedsloosestoolsbelchingflatulencelivermalfunctionexcessicehairgrowthorblindness.

You are free to go…

One thought on “Side-Effects

  1. So true. Even YouTube, which I use to find a soft spoken yogi to lull me to sleep some nights, has terrible, repetitive ads. Lately.. an obese woman telling me she “must be having a fever dream” because her new underwear fits. At least it curbs the desire for a late-night snack.

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