Sometimes, goodbye is all that is left. No matter the depth, no matter the breadth, no matter the sincerity of the desire. Life presents some opportunities that are just mirages of illusions of unattainable desires.
I have come to believe that in many things we are in full control, in some things we have influence, but there is one overarching aspect of life over which we have no control, no input, no say. It is the ocean that is our life.
We are merely a ship afloat in this ocean, we can direct it to islands, guide it through a storm, rest on deck and enjoy sunset, but life is the ocean, always in ultimate control. It allows our ship to float, to gently ride the calm seas and brave the roiling storms, but ultimately life determines the course.
The ocean teaches us, challenges us, sustains us, and frightens us. Sometimes icebergs sometimes gentle breezes.
We can fight the wind, tack back and forth to resist its force, continue on in the face of insurmountable obstacles , but inevitably the sea directs us, and when it suits its whim, forces us in a different direction or reclaims us in the depths.
There is a joy to be derived from this. Driven before a storm, we suddenly come upon a gentle wind, a following sea, moments of happiness and contentment, yet still surrounded by the reality that is life. We pass alongside others, share the wind, climb the peaks, face the troughs together, create a bond that cannot be broken and knows no limit of the distance it can be pushed in separation.
There are those who resist to the point of damaging their ship, perhaps by colliding against others, taking both down.
I cannot do that. I have fought against the currents, ruined rudder and rigging, lost my course, damaged too many others.
I will not be responsible for this anymore.
I have taken this ship as far as it will go off course, I am compelled to return to the course set for me. I wish there were a different compass setting facing me, but it is not to be.
So the ocean turns my ship, sets my course, and the wind’s beginning to rise. The experiences have been imbedded in my mind, changing me forever, leaving me a different man.
180 degrees away from where I had hoped. Sometimes, goodbye is all that is left.