Read, and comment as I know you will, my guest post on a quite interesting blog by a retired Canadian RCMP Homicide detective turned brilliant author, Garry Rodgers
In all the vitriol, anger, and twisted logic in the debate on guns and violence in America, one vital aspect is kicked to the side, ignored and discounted; personal responsibility for one’s actions.
In our single-minded focus on trying to explain why these things happen, and how to prevent them, we gloss over the one common element. Absent unmistakable evidence of mental incapacity–and almost every shooter who survives a mass shooting is judged competent to stand trial—the individual who pulls the trigger is responsible for his or her actions.
The fact is we may never understand why. We may never find a way to prevent it from ever happening again. We may never come to grips with America’s inexplicable fascination with guns.
We may never accept the demise of the balance of power between our early government—the one without a standing army– and an armed citizenry. Our embracing a concept no longer grounded in reality is one of the stumbling blocks to addressing part of the problem.
But that’s not the point of this piece.
The most important thing we can do is insist on personal responsibility for one’s actions. We need to focus on this from the earliest age, so the practice becomes second nature. Instead, we have parents suing school departments when their kids are taken off a sports team or barred from graduation for violating the rules.
“Oh, my poor (son/daughter) didn’t mean to break the rules, everyone else was doing it, it’s not fair they won’t get to play soccer/go to the prom/attend graduation. I’ll sue.”
A tremendous parental example there.
The dearth of personal responsibility in America is illustrated by our penchant for blaming everyone else but ourselves for our actions. The most startling example of this is from the father of the shooter in the Santa Fe Texas school shooting.
As part of the idiotic media frenzy, which contributes to the problem, the father of the “alleged” killer said,
“My son, to me, is not a criminal, he’s a victim,” he said. “The kid didn’t own guns. I owned guns.”
A victim? The victims are the ten dead, the wounded, and their families left to suffer because of the cowardly act of a self-delusional individual without one shred of human decency or compassion.
The father said,
“Something must have happened now, this last week,” he told the station. “Somebody probably came and hurt him, and since he was a solid boy, I don’t know what could have happened. I can’t say what happened. All I can say is what I suspect as a father.” (https://apnews.com/70ba9b2e83194fbab13bb26819aed045)
The father says his son was bullied. Bullied? When did bullying rise to the level of justifying homicidal provocation?
By this logic, someone being bullied now has cause to take a gun and kill another human.
Very few people are born evil, but we all have the capacity for evil in us. Raising children to be responsible adults is the ultimate purpose of being a parent. When you fail, the darkness within can rise to the surface.
If you don’t instill personal responsibility early, self-control fails and bad things happen. It may not be the only reason these shootings happen, but it is a significant factor.
This infatuation we have with turning everything into a “syndrome,” giving it a name and using it as some terrifying boogieman is disheartening and self-destructive. Bullying has become almost as frightening as a diagnosis of cancer.
I understand there are horror stories of “bullying” that drove some to suicide. That is a tragedy. But adolescent behavior, that often includes “bullying” of others, underscores my point.
The failure of personal responsibility, by the parents and the children engaged in such behavior, is the problem. Part of this is the false courage instilled by the wall of technology. It’s easy to be cruel and demeaning in the comfort of one’s own home when texting or posting on social media. Tweets and emoji and SnapchatInstagramTwittering is a shield to cowards.
It doesn’t negate the responsibility of parents to pay attention. In our 24/7 technologically connected world, the burden is heightened.
One of the most brilliant philosophers who ever lived, my mother, summed it up in six words,
“Life’s not fair, get over it.”
We learned from her that one had to deal with life, not whine and cry, and adjust to it. Blaming others for your own circumstances is the childish way out. As one matures, you come to understand that no one has power over you unless you let them.
By the time you reach high school, one should firmly understand personal responsibility.
I know this may not be politically correct, but the way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them. Homicidal violence is never a solution, but a well-placed punch in the nose, even if you ultimately lose the fight, might go a long way to preventing a minor problem from becoming a bigger one.
I may have lost a few fights growing up, but I got my point across.
In Texas, the only person to blame for what happened is the shooter. I won’t dignify him with using his name. Making killers famous for their actions is part of the problem.
There is also the personal responsibility of the father for leaving the weapons open and unsecured. He may be suffering because of his son’s actions, but he also bears criminal liability for it.
If the law applies, he should be charged. If he had any sense of personal responsibility, he’d plead guilty. My defense attorney friends may differ in this but there is a difference between “not guilty” and “innocent.”
Like it or not he has blood on his hands, but I wouldn’t hold my breath for him to acknowledge it. He needed the guns for personal protection. That was important to him.
When his son turned them into offensive weapons and murdered innocent men, women, and children he hid behind excuses. Wasn’t my son, they made him do it. It begs the question about priorities.
That’s what lack of personal responsibility is, blaming the world for your own choices.
It’s time for that to change. We can do this without changing one law, limiting any perceived Constitutional right, or infringing on anyone’s liberty.
Acknowledging your own actions, not blaming the rest of the world for your personal failures, would be a good first step.
I like to think of myself as a writer. Words have always come easily. Often, it seems I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to.
But today I have no words. Today, I must ask if someone, anyone, can give me the words. Help me.
How do I find the words?
How do I find the words to comfort the next parent of a child they sent off to school and had to pick up at the Medical Examiner’s office?
How do I find the words to comfort a seventeen-year-old girl whose biggest concern one moment was the color of her shirt and the next moment seeing her best friend’s blood staining the once perfect color?
How do I explain to a group of high-school seniors that their most memorable moment in school will be their terror at the sound of weapons firing, people screaming, and the coppery smell of blood and death?
How do I find the words to explain to the world how great America is when we let our children die for a concept no longer grounded in reality?
How do I find the words to make people understand our unwillingness to seek a solution to the violence that plagues this nation?
How do I find the words?
The truth is there are no words, no prayers, no political slogans, no constitutional arguments that will do this.
So, we have a choice.
We can either find the will to seek a solution or accept the reality it will happen, again and again and again, until we become so numb to the horror we no longer notice.
Then our lack of words, like our inertia in finding a solution, will say it all.