Want to Read Something Funny? Obituaries

I like to read obituaries.

I know what you’re thinking, very weird, but I find them interesting.

Some of them, every once in awhile, are truly amazing, but I am entertained by the more common ones and the frightening idea that people thought these were a fitting tribute.

I am mostly fascinated by two things.

The photos and the appalling lack of grammar, spelling, or even semblance of rational thought in the “guest” book entries.

As an aside, why do they call it a Guest Book?

There is nothing here that would attract one to want to be a guest.

To borrow a line from the movie “Muppets Treasure Island”,

“We’re in the room with a Dead Guy….arrrrrrghhhh”

Perhaps they should call it a Memory Book or a “Sorry I Didn’t take the Time in Life Book”, or a “Let me display my frightening lack of Grammar Book”.

The Photos

There is a fascinating consistency in the types of pictures.

They come in only a few varieties.

The picture shows a 19 year-old that died at 95 years old.

This generally gets me to look since they appear to be a very young person (the thresh-hold of which ages as I do. Soon I will be reaching the “oh my he was only 60” plateau).

Or,

The picture shows someone that looks 95 years old, died at 45. (is that the ONLY photo you could find?). I know that in some cases it may be the only choice, but it seems to me almost intentional.

It made me wonder, in the weird way my mind works, which photo will they choose for me when I die?

I fear my daughter has my sense of humor and, holding a JD and a penchant for persuasion, she will easily convince my wife to have this final joke on me. Then again, they don’t really have much to work with as far as I am concerned, photogenic I am not.

And I would enjoy it!

Most, but not all, of the pictures seem to be taken during happy moments.

The others look like arrest photos. Some look post-mortem.

Did you ever wonder if the one absolutely great photo of you fishing, swimming, sunning, running, driving, eating, laughing, dancing, hugging, holding your newborn child, just smiling OR the one that makes you look drunk, idiotic, stoned, lost, or just clueless, will be the one people look at when they read the obit?

Of course, I suppose it won’t matter, you’ll be dead.

Go online to any newspaper or funeral home in the country and look at the obits.

Frightening, yet entertaining.

Here are my favorites.

The strikingly beautiful woman, originally a black and white photo, who died

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