A Guide to Writing an Inoffensive Letter to the Editor

Considering the Yoga Pants War (see link here) recently fought on the fashion-trend insensitive and dangerous streets of Barrington, Rhode Island, I will attempt to write a letter that offends no one*.

Dear Editor,

 

(these lines intentionally left blank but are in no way meant to offend blank or empty spaces anywhere in this universe)

 

Sincerely,

Joe Broadmeadow

Lincoln, RI

 

*(this letter is in no way, intentionally or unintentionally, meant to offend the LGBT community, Sheep farmers, vegetarians, meat-eaters, Yoga pants wearing mothers (single or otherwise), Native Americans, Mexicans, Canadians, Red Sox Fans, Republicans, Democrats, Jews, Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jainists (look it up), Rap fans, Ted Cruz, Star Trek Fans (cellar dwelling or otherwise), the blind, the deaf, the physically disadvantaged, Vladimir Putin (you never know), any human being on this planet, any extraterrestrials in secret government black sites, and/or anything, animal, vegetable, or mineral, not included in this disclaimer.)

That should cover it. 

Now I hope I get a parade….