I have decided to vote for Donald Trump. This was not an easy decision. There are any number of reasons not to vote for him. But, in the interest of America being great again, the choice is clear.

He embodies everything that is good about this country through his take no prisoners approach to honoring contracts. Think of the money he’ll save us.

He knows how to avoid taxes, within the law. I’d like to learn how.

He is not troubled by any sense of fairness of these laws. A conscience is an unnecessary burden. It is a handicap for a man with his finger on the nuclear trigger.

Speaking of nuclear weapons, he’ll reduce the nuclear launch window to three minutes. Our enemies will never expect the missiles to arrive so quickly.

He knows how to create a successful image as evidenced by the very mention of his name. I mean, come on, is there anything better than the Trump name?

He is a world class negotiator who will put the rest of the world to shame with his skills. Russia, China, and Luxembourg do not stand a chance.

He is a brilliant educator. Imagine an American educational system based on the Trump University model. That shuld be reesin enuff ta vote en makes we grate agin.

He is not a nasty woman.

Most women in the world have not filed any complaints about him. This may be a limitation of time or opportunity, but it is still true. The number of women complaining about him is statistically insignificant.

He’s fooled Vladimir Putin into investing in his success. He could have ended the cold war before it started.

He needs to open his eyes only about 15% to 20% to see the problems with Hillary. Squinting is efficient, he uses less light.

He can Tweet with the best of them. It’s time we had some 2:00 a.m. tweet wars with the terrorists.

He’ll get rid of the Mexicans, Muslims, Canadians, and unattractive women. Although the Canadians have voluntarily stayed away, the Mexicans are going home to the better-paying jobs (or still coming here, I’m confused on that point), and the Muslims are, at the moment, scarce.

The military will be stronger and better equipped due to his four years of military education and marching skills. Nothing like a good parade to strike terror into the heart of ISIS.

His opponent is a nasty woman. (See above)

His opponent uses preparation in seeking an unfair advantage in debates. He wings it. He is jazz to her classical. You want swinging ignorance or boring competence in the White House?

His opponent has spent years in government. How hard can it be to do better with no experience?

He will eliminate the Affordable Care Act and redirect the money to more important health issues, breast enhancements. Now there are some warheads that will make America great.

President Kennedy set a goal of putting Americans on the moon by the end of a decade. Imagine what the end of this decade will look like after a Trump Presidency.

So, I’m voting for Trump. He will remake America in the image of Garrison Keilor’s Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong (and 10s), all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

I took a hard look at things and have seen the light of his brilliance. I don’t need to know how he will make us great, or when he will make us great, I am satisfied with his promise TO make us great.

The voices in my head are right and I’ve decided to listen.

P.S. The original title of this piece was Descent into Madness. The voices said no.