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With all the focus on Covid, economic upheaval, and trying to rid ourselves of the persistent infection and willful ignorance of anti-intellectualism, we have overlooked one of the most pressing issues of our time.

Now I am normally resistant to falling into the name calling game—no matter how satisfying it can be occasionally—but in this case I cannot refrain. I am, of course, talking about the morons (the kindest term I can find) for those people who drive cars with their dogs sitting on their laps.

Moronic doesn’t even come close to caption the idiocy of such actions. It is beyond me why any rational human being, while operating a several thousand-pound vehicle surrounded by thousands of other vehicles, would place their dog in a position to be turned into a bloody, shattered, dead mass squashed between their idiot owner and the airbag.

Airbags deploy outward at 300 mph with the explosive force of 20 shotgun shells at impacts of only 10-12 mph into a solid object. Since most accidents occur in a momentary lapse of attention (say when paying more attention to a dog instead of driving) and at slower speeds, the risk of the airbag deploying is real.

Whenever I see someone driving with the dog either looking out the window or sitting blissfully ignorant in the driver’s lap, I fully understand road rage.

Now before anyone assumes I am one of those animal fanatics who believe dogs should be in a car seat with restraints, I ain’t. Whenever I have a dog with me, they are free to roam the back seat, with the occasional lean forward to lick my ear and remind me of their presence. Truth be told, I envy their seatbelt free existence, something I once enjoyed through my entire childhood and lived to tell the story. (No need to inundate me with the benefit of seat belts, I know, I know, But I miss the freedom of bouncing around the inside of a car and riding a bike without a helmet. Okay the bike part I still do, so sue me.)

How dumb must one be to think letting the dog occupy what is essentially a potential blast zone is a good idea? Forget speed and red-light cameras, how about we identify any idiot dumb enough to drive with a dog on their lap and take their dog, their license, and their car and give them to someone with a brain?

Absent any alternative to prevent it, it may very well change my mind on the death penalty.

I hate to say this, not being much of a cat person, but I’ve never seen a cat in the driver’s seat of a car. I wonder if cats are smart enough to avoid such idiocy?

And if one person sends me a comment that the dog really enjoys it and it is the only place they will ride in the car, I will refer you to a local mental health facility. The last person who took directions from a dog was David Berkowitz, the Son of Sam serial killer.

The defense rests.

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“On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
H. L. Mencken

What sparked this diatribe (and public service anoouncement) on morons was a meme circulating on Social media. I won’t dignify it by repeating it, but in summary it implied that by having had a black president for eight years that somehow mitigated and eliminated the centuries-long history of racism in this country.

So, I thought I would offer this simple guide to those who may need it to understand their own implicit biases, to help them identify them, and hopefully to work on eliminating them.

Here’s a simple checklist to determine if you harbor any moronic, churlish, idiotic, misanthropic, antisocial, or racially biased fallacies in your character.

You might be a moron if…

…you believe your sexual orientation implicitly grants moral superiority over any other.

…you believe your race implicitly grants intellectual superiority over any other.

…you believe your ethnicity implicitly grants cultural superiority over any other.

…you believe your religion implicitly grants theological superiority over any other.

…you believe your place of birth implicitly grants hereditary superiority over any other.

…you believe your educational level implicitly grants knowledge superiority over any other.

…you believe your lack of education implicitly grants practical superiority over any other.

If you hold any beliefs that your personal characteristics- those mostly an accident or fortune of birth—grant you any measure of superiority over others, you are likely a moron.

It is the content of your character, and your actions towards others, that measures your value as a person.

Keep these wise words in mind from the Neil Diamond song, Done too Soon whenever you find yourself feeling smug about yourself in comparison to others.

And each one there
Has one thing shared:
They have sweated beneath the same sun,
Looked up in wonder at the same moon,
And wept when it was all done

For being? Done too soon,
For being? Done too soon.
For being? Done.
Done too Soon, Neil Diamond

We all sweat beneath the same sun and look up in wonder at the same moon…

Everything else is just the dust of life.

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JEBWizard Publishing (www.jebwizardpublishing.com) is a hybrid publishing company focusing on new and emerging authors. We offer a full range of customized publishing services.

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