A Modest Proposal: Choose Clueless

Perhaps we’re missing an opportunity with the Libertarian Party. While I don’t believe Gary Johnson or Bill Weld are completely clueless, perhaps a little cluelessness might be just the sedative we need for this election.14523018_1439657252726278_6508428197223627262_n

Consider if you will a Johnson/Weld administration. The Presidential Daily Briefing lies sealed and unread in the White House bathroom, buried beneath a copy of The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

The National Security staff gathers in the situation room.

Mr. President, the Russians have positioned tanks on the borders of Kazakhstan. What should our response be?

President Johnson: Where?

Mr. President, the Chinese have devalued their currency again. It will cause an economic tidal wave of financial disasters in the Nikkei and Hang Seng. What should we do?

President Johnson: I had a dog named Hang Seng. He died. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. That’s life.

Mr. President, remember Aleppo? The place that caused a bit of a controversy during the campaign. It’s under siege by the Syrians.

President Johnson: Nope.

If an earlier President Johnson hadn’t been able to find Vietnam on a map, I can think of 56000 Americans who’d be better off.

Maybe an absent-minded professor type is what we need. Oblivious to the international scene, yet still with his hands on the nuclear code. What could go wrong?

Mr. President, Albuquerque has sued the government for more federal aid. What is our response?

President Johnson: Hmm, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, that sounds familiar. Better be safe than sorry. Help me open the suitcase and we’ll nuke’em.  After all, what do we have all these nuclear weapons for if we’re not gonna use them?

Let me know when they hit, I need to take a nap.