How to Scare Terrorists

We are conducting this anti-terrorism campaign all wrong. Saber rattling and drone strikes are okay, but I have a much simpler solution.

Think about it.  Terrorists induce others to strap on bombs, hijack planes, shoot up shopping malls through ideas.

Ideas about a heaven filled with virgins.

Ideas about the glory of martyrdom.

This is ‘Merica. We have bigger, better, infinitely more terrifying ideas.

All we have to do is tell them about some of our cultural traditions and they will stay in the 14th century and leave us alone.

Just tell them about the Testicle Festival. (


There’s a gem of a town in Arizona

With a secret that gives pause as you wonder

To fill up their halls

They snip their animal’s balls

Then fry them and eat up the plunder

There’s not a terrorist in the world that would mess with a country that celebrates emasculating creatures they’ve raised from birth.

Just imagine what they’d think we’d do to our enemies.

(P.S. Public service announcement, REGISTER to VOTE)